Skyler's Gravel Road

Busting Out!

2012-01-01T20:16:00.003-06:00

I'm not putting up with it anymore!

Dave and I have talked, and I'm busting out of that moldy trunk he keeps me in. I'm getting some new duds and I'm taking to the stage this year, and that means Dave better keep his promise and practice the hell out of his technique, cause I want people to watch me, and not his damn lips moving.

Damn, I look good in the light of the day!

2011 is sooooooo last year(to borrow a phrase)and I'm about to get my New Year on.

Get Ready 2012!

2011-12-31T21:49:00.002-06:00

This is how I've felt all of 2011. Well no more, buckos. (And that's a hard word to make a dummy say without moving your lips) Look for a helluva lot more of me in 2012. I plan on talking more, performing more, and getting into a crap-load more trouble.

If ancient Mayan Indians are predicting the Apocalypse by the end of 2012, then ole Skyler plans to kick ass and take names until them moldy old Mayans scrape us off the planet and start over.

So, no frickin "Happy New Year" from me, get ready for my "Grab Me A New Year" and hang on, buckos.

Thirty-One, But Not Done

2011-04-03T15:43:00.005-05:00

Friday, April 1st was my 31st Birthday. Technically speaking, dummies aren't born; they are carved, created, sculpted, or assembled, but for the sake of this blog, I'm sticking to "born".

If you still want to split hairs, the date--April 1, may not be entirely accurate. At some point in late March, 1980 I was probably completed and shipped. By the time I arrived, it was the first week in April. Dave officially designated my "birthdate" as April 1st to match the date he officially started his ventriloquism performance business a few years earlier. His bright slogan, "Established April 1st; proving any fool can start a business" still seems about right to me.

Dave likes to remind me that without his bright ideas, I wouldn't exist, but I still think I owe my existence to the real guy that created me. He took a bunch of Dave's doodlings and whatever the kid told him over the telephone, and came up with my handsome, sexy self.

So, during my birthday week, I say thanks to Finis Robinson(1908-2001)the architect of my existence and for all practical purposes, my "Dad". A few years before Finis died, I made a trip back to my birthplace in Zephyrhills, Florida for one last time to see Finis and have some "work" done on my face. You can't keep this youthful appearance in show business without the occasional application of Spackle and paint. Shortly thereafter, Finis closed shop and later went to that big woodworking shop in the sky or wherever you guys go when your strings break.

So, thanks again "Dear Friend Finis", for putting me together so well that I've lasted this long. I'm 31, but I'm far from done. And you can quote me on that.

I'll Be Here All Year

2010-12-31T20:20:00.005-06:00

It's New Years' Eve! Go Party. Drive Safe. I'm here all next year.

Dave Visits Skyler

2010-07-04T03:08:00.003-05:00

Hi, This is Dave Robison.(Skyler's Ventriloquist partner) Skyler has been kind enough to grant me writing privileges on his blog to update my three fans on what's happening at my regular blog that I used to write on in a fairly consistent basis.

If you're a fan of "On The Road With Dave" then you'll remember that back in April of this year, I announced that due to a change in format that my publishing platform from Blogger had made, I would have to postpone publishing any further from my regular blog until I could migrate the entire blog to a different format.

I had to delay the migration because although my hosting company, GoDaddy, supports my new choice of WordPress to begin publishing the blog once again, it requires a NEW hosting plan, as well. I don't do change very well. So, I continue to delay the migration.

Needless to say, the change over has not started, and I'm receiving some comments back at OTRWD wondering where I've been. Rest assure, I'm still here, alive, and quietly living through status updates on Facebook.

I promise not to muck up Skyler's blog too much and will provide more updates at "Comedy This Exit" until I have "On The Road With Dave" back up and running.

Thanks Skyler...and you can have "your damn blog" back now.

I'm No Dummy

2010-04-18T21:37:00.012-05:00

There's a new movie/DVD out that all the ventriloquists, including Dave are going "ga-ga" over, called "I'm No Dummy". Over on Facebook, there's a fan page for the movie, and ventriloquists are uploading pictures of themselves and their sidekicks holding a copy of the DVD to promote the film.

It's a good flick and treats ventriloquists and their sidekicks with some respect. Not like a lot of film efforts that portray vents as kooks(which they are) and their "dummies" as evil. (which we can be)

So Dave decided we would join in to promote the DVD by posing for a picture holding the DVD. We drove over to this town called Fairhope with Dave's wife acting as photographer and found a great spot to make me look really good.

Get a load of Dave's acting. The sign is real and yeah, there are real gators around and about. That's why I'm on the boardwalk railing 'cause like the movie title, I'M NO DUMMY!

Happy Birthday, Edgar!

2010-02-16T02:16:00.001-06:00

If you're reading this, you're probably expecting something snide and sarcastic or complaining like I usually do, but not today. I talked with Dave and we agreed that today we need to come together. Today is Edgar Bergen's birthday.(He'd be 107, if he had lived, sheez!) Without Edgar, there'd probably be no modern ventriloquists. Edgar made the art popular and millions of introverted little wannabe comedians took up the hobby of ventriloquism and and whether they succeeded or not, they kept the fire burning for others down the road.

If you see that guy, Jeff Dunham on TV and laugh at his Walter and Dead Terrorist dudes, then you are glimpsing into that guy's "inner Edgar." And it goes with out saying, without Edgar there would have been no "Charlie McCarthy" and without that wooden kid, all us other dummies would still be in the forest with birds on our branches or holding up some dull literature as bookshelves.

So, hell yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDGAR! We miss you and Charlie and Mortimer

Artwork, Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy--1938--by Dick Weston

I'm Not Evil

2010-02-01T00:59:00.000-06:00

I'm not evil and I'm not these guys from that movie, that weirds everybody out about ventriloquist dummies.

This is Dave's problem. Just let me get on stage.

Ghost Of Christmas Past

2009-12-25T02:18:00.000-06:00

I was digging through some of Dave's old pictures and came across this gem. That's Dave and his "Danny O'Day" doll that he got for Christmas way back in 1972. (Damn, he's old as dirt.)

But, that Christmas present helped Dave learn ventriloquism and led to my creation, so I can't knock it too much. In fact, I guess in the grand crazy scheme of things weird--that little plastic Danny O'Day doll is kinda like my granpa. Ewwww...that made me throw up a little in my mouth.

Anyway, that Christmas ghost from my past, inspires me to wish you guys a Merry Christmas from Skyler's Gravel Road. There--I said it--

"Merry Christmas!"

"Nekkid" Pics Of Skyler

2009-07-07T19:41:00.005-05:00

Ordinarily, I only send nude photos of myself over the Internet to chicks I'm trying to impressed, but this time it's different.

Last October before a gig, I had an accident and broke my leg. Dave did a quick operation with a little duct tape and the show went on. But, that was 9 months ago!!

I'm still sporting duct tape. Look at that! (I covered up some stuff that the censors insisted I should not show) He has yet to have a reputable "dummy surgeon" attend to my injury. This pisses me off. How long does he expect me to endure this? Don't I deserve decent medical care?

So Dave, this is an ultimatum--either get me fixed or I have other photos I could publish, that are far more embarrassing than this one. Are you listening?

Obligatory Michael Jackson Death Message

2009-06-26T13:02:00.003-05:00

Singer, Michael Jackson is dead. He died yesterday. I'm not sentimental. I'm a ventriloquist dummy that sits on a grown man's knee. I think Michael would have liked me. In recent years, he looked a little like a ventriloquist dummy.

The only thing that has me curious is since he's dead, will he look like this in a few years?

Or, you know, he bought the Elephant's Man's bones several years ago...does that mean maybe somebody might buy his bones years from now and display him in their home; maybe dress his skeleton up is the Thriller jacket or better still, put a blanket over his skull, like he did his kids?

I'm pretty sure that in 2012, when the world is supposed to end, that the first think that happens is that Zombies will come alive and destroy us all. I think Michael Jackson will probably be leading the Zombie Army then and he'll be pissed that we all thought he molested kids and made fun of him. I could be in some real trouble when that happens.

On The Twitter

2009-05-04T23:18:00.003-05:00

I haven't wrote on this damn thing since the end of 2008? Man, I have been lazy.

I could say that I have been busy, but that'd be a lie. Dave ain't using me in the act very much. He fancies himself a "stand-up" now, not a ventriloquist.

So, I decided I needed to get in a little trouble, so now I'm on that Twitter thing on the Internet. You "follow" people and read their status updates and you hope that they'll follow you back and read yours. Pretty much another way to waste time on the Internet when you're not watching naked women in videos.

If'n you want to "follow" me and you are on the Twitter thing you can see my profile @SkylerAL. The "AL" don't mean Alabama. "A" is my middle initial and "L" is for Leglantier, my last name. My full name was too long to be a Twitter ID and other shorter names were already taken.

So far, I am "following" anybody with the name "Skyler" in their ID and I have been "blocked" once. Apparently, somebody was creeped out about a dummy "following" them. Go Figure.

Hell, they're following twits that are creepier than me! Something tells me that this is a way for me too really annoy some people. I can only hope.

Another Wasted Year

2008-12-31T18:43:00.003-06:00

Yeah it's almost here, just a few hours left until another year rolls around. Dave is making me write this, cause he says, "It's the thing to do". He says it in that whiny voice he uses on his kids. I'm not his kid, I'm a sidekick.

Instead of making me write this, I need to get him to have my leg professionally fixed. This duct tape on it is starting to itch. And to add insult to injury, he took a photo of it to show some repair guy. But, he hasn't developed it yet. Did I really want to get naked, so he could take a picture of my crotch? No, not really. But, he's a ventriloquist, so he's naturally weird. It's my cross I have to bear.

So anyway, if you need me, I'll be having a cheap bottle of champagne at midnight and some cheap tequila at 1AM and if all goes to plan--a cheap woman shortly after that.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, DAMMIT

2008-12-22T15:47:00.004-06:00

Well, it's been a long time since I felt like updating this rag, but it's the Christmas season and all, and I'm feeling all "neesy-nice" and warm and egg-nog filled, so I figure what the hell; I'll go ahead and wish both my readers a Merry Christmas.

Mind you, I don't go for all that "Happy Holidays" crap and politically correct stuff. If'n you celebrate Hanukkah or Kwanzaa--more power to ya; and I hope all goes well for you, too.

I'm just a ventriloquist's sidekick, who really cares what I think anyway.

But, you can be certain, I'll be back to make Dave's life miserable and writing what I feel like; when I feel like it.

Until then....

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE GRAVEL ROAD, DAMMIT!

Barack Obama "Dummified"

2008-11-12T21:28:00.002-06:00

Indian Ventriloquist and figuremaker Ramdas Padhye has finally captured Presidential-elect Barack Obama "character" in a way some Republicans might have viewed him all along.

Hell, don't we all think somebody else has always got their hand up a politician's ass, anyway?

I'm No Dummy

2008-05-12T20:33:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems as if a few of my fellow ventriloquist sidekicks have got together to make a movie. They didn't ask me to be in it; but I'll probably watch it anyway.

Look for it at a theatre or DVD store near you.

I'll Take'em

2008-01-28T00:06:00.000-06:00

If they're in a store window, that means they're for sale, right?

I'll take all three...wrap'em up.

Skyler's Space

2008-01-12T21:17:00.000-06:00

DANGER! WILL ROBINSON!

Better yet; Danger! Dave Robison.

'Cause, I'm joining Dave and the rest of the Internet Robots and joining that site that sucks your brain from your skull, called MySpace.

But, in my case, my head is already hollow.

No Biggie, you can now be my friend, if I decide to let you; at

SKYLER'S OWN DAMN SPACE!

The New Year

2008-01-05T12:30:00.001-06:00

I felt like these guys after New Year's Eve.

Maybe, if Dave gets off his ass and books some gigs soon, I won't have so much time on my hands and I won't get in so much trouble.

Christmas Gift

2007-12-29T16:58:00.000-06:00

Some other guys are posting on their blogs what they got for Christmas, so I thought I'd show ya what was on MY Christmas list.

Here's a clue...it wasn't the coat.

Family Reunion

2007-03-18T18:06:00.000-05:00

Usually, I love going to family reunions, cause of all the new chicks I can meet. But then I got the latest invitation to the "Doll Family Reunion" and if the organizer of the event is any indication of what the girls are gonna look like, then I think I'm gonna pass on this side of the family.

I'll just wait and pick up some chicks at my regular reunion.

Now, This Could Be My New Girlfriend!

2007-01-04T20:20:00.000-06:00

I think I'm in love. Who could ask for a better play mate or Playmate; for that matter. Now, if I can get Dave to pony up the $6000 bucks, I'd be one happy dummy.

You could have this babe too, if you've got the cash. She's a REAL DOLL.
(That link is adult-oriented and explicit)

I Think I Found My New Girlfriend

2006-09-27T00:05:00.001-05:00

I found her on Ebay.

She's the Fembot of Vanessa Kensington from the motion picture, Austin Powers 2, "The Spy Who Shagged Me".

It makes me randy, baby!

I'm So Slick

2006-05-08T21:25:00.002-05:00

Dave's pissed at me again.

He belongs to this Soapbox-Comedy-thing-a-ma-bob and he needed a good-looking photo to include as a headshot for his profile.

So I, in my infinite wisdom, provided one for him.

My Lotto Lambo

2006-04-02T13:22:00.000-05:00

Dave keeps buying these Lotto tickets every week. So this week I decided to ride along with him to buy one for myself.

Whaddaya think the folks in Tallahassee would say if I won the damn thing and showed up to collect my 25 Million dollars?

Ya think they'd deny a dummy his well-won money?

If'n I win the money, I got my car already picked out. Ta Hell with Dave and his dream of owning a Lambo; he'll have to settle for riding in the passenger seat.

First Mardi Gras Parade

2006-02-18T20:24:00.000-06:00

Last night Dave took the kids down to Dauphin Street for one of the Mardi Gras Krewe parades.

I tagged along, but the parade was boring so I slipped off for a drink or two and to watch the "parade" of lovelies walking along the street outside the bar.

Dave was pissed when he found me, but got his revenge this morning when I felt like the poor guy below.

Yeah, they caught beads and trinkets, all I caught was a hangover. (oh yeah, and this one babe's phone number)

What's So Happy About It?

2006-01-01T00:52:00.000-06:00

Forget about photos of fireworks and Times Square.

For chrissakes, did Dick Clark look like he needed a rocker instead of a "rockin new year's eve"...except for that kiss he laid on that chick? They had to cut away to Ryan Seacrest and Mariah Carrey, where we knew wasn't no kissing gonna happen.

Dave was sick with a cold, so I had to watch everybody else having fun. Typical.

But, I get to BLOG about it. Ain't I lucky?

For me, (and admit it, for you too) it was...

Happy "Just Give Me A New Beer!"

Wasn't That A Party

2005-12-15T22:04:00.000-06:00

Damn, I asked Dave if I could go out last night, and he said, "Sure, but don't ask me for any money." (Like he's got money to loan)

I remember going to the first club, but damned if I know what happened after that.

I remember meeting some babes, and there was talk of going to somebody's loft and drinking some wine. It all gets fuzzy from there.

But it looks like I had fun, 'cause photos don't lie.

I'm not in the picture, so maybe I was holding the camera.

But, where the hell did everybody's hair go?

I checked just for safety's sake, I still have mine.

Then I checked again, just for fun.

Odds are after Dave sees the picture, he'll not want me going out again any time soon, or he'll be begging me to take him next time.

Married guys get real needy every now and then. Of course Dave was always needy, who am I kidding, marriage had nothing to do with it.

Until next time.

Skyler

Less Than Nothing

2005-07-22T18:22:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you kick around an idea for a couple of minutes and then decide, "what the hell, nobody will care anyway. This journal is just such a case.

I have been reading this one blog called "On The Road With Dave" over the last few months, and thought, "If someone reads this drivel, then they'll certainly think I'm more clever."

There's a fellow named Dave, who I happen to work with that started his blog about his perspectives on a multi-level marketing company and stand-up comedy. But he rarely mentions me. So this is my answer to him.

Dave said that if I thought I could do better then, "have at it".

Consider this blog the "cheese" in answer to all of his "whining".

Also look for the real "scoop" from me as you wade through HIS other drivel about other areas of his so-called life, history, hobbies, and his STILL never-ceasing need for attention. Stuff like that.

So, bookmark this blog, or totally ignore it the way you do Dave's blog. Who cares really? I mean I ain't getting paid for this. It's just a chance to get out of the trunk and drink a beer and read internet porn.

There's one more lame blog on the net and it's written by me, Skyler.

REFERENCE POST: HERE GOES NOTHING