Busting Out!

I'm not putting up with it anymore!

Dave and I have talked, and I'm busting out of that moldy trunk he keeps me in. I'm getting some new duds and I'm taking to the stage this year, and that means Dave better keep his promise and practice the hell out of his technique, cause I want people to watch me, and not his damn lips moving.

Damn, I look good in the light of the day!

2011 is sooooooo last year(to borrow a phrase)and I'm about to get my New Year on.

Thirty-One, But Not Done

Friday, April 1st was my 31st Birthday. Technically speaking, dummies aren't born; they are carved, created, sculpted, or assembled, but for the sake of this blog, I'm sticking to "born".

If you still want to split hairs, the date--April 1, may not be entirely accurate. At some point in late March, 1980 I was probably completed and shipped. By the time I arrived, it was the first week in April. Dave officially designated my "birthdate" as April 1st to match the date he officially started his ventriloquism performance business a few years earlier. His bright slogan, "Established April 1st; proving any fool can start a business" still seems about right to me.

Dave likes to remind me that without his bright ideas, I wouldn't exist, but I still think I owe my existence to the real guy that created me. He took a bunch of Dave's doodlings and whatever the kid told him over the telephone, and came up with my handsome, sexy self.

So, during my birthday week, I say thanks to Finis Robinson(1908-2001)the architect of my existence and for all practical purposes, my "Dad". A few years before Finis died, I made a trip back to my birthplace in Zephyrhills, Florida for one last time to see Finis and have some "work" done on my face. You can't keep this youthful appearance in show business without the occasional application of Spackle and paint. Shortly thereafter, Finis closed shop and later went to that big woodworking shop in the sky or wherever you guys go when your strings break.

So, thanks again "Dear Friend Finis", for putting me together so well that I've lasted this long. I'm 31, but I'm far from done. And you can quote me on that.

I'm No Dummy

There's a new movie/DVD out that all the ventriloquists, including Dave are going "ga-ga" over, called "I'm No Dummy". Over on Facebook, there's a fan page for the movie, and ventriloquists are uploading pictures of themselves and their sidekicks holding a copy of the DVD to promote the film.

It's a good flick and treats ventriloquists and their sidekicks with some respect. Not like a lot of film efforts that portray vents as kooks(which they are) and their "dummies" as evil. (which we can be)

So Dave decided we would join in to promote the DVD by posing for a picture holding the DVD. We drove over to this town called Fairhope with Dave's wife acting as photographer and found a great spot to make me look really good.

Get a load of Dave's acting. The sign is real and yeah, there are real gators around and about. That's why I'm on the boardwalk railing 'cause like the movie title, I'M NO DUMMY!

I'm Not Evil

I'm not evil and I'm not these guys from that movie, that weirds everybody out about ventriloquist dummies.

This is Dave's problem. Just let me get on stage.

"Nekkid" Pics Of Skyler

Ordinarily, I only send nude photos of myself over the Internet to chicks I'm trying to impressed, but this time it's different.

Last October before a gig, I had an accident and broke my leg. Dave did a quick operation with a little duct tape and the show went on. But, that was 9 months ago!!

I'm still sporting duct tape. Look at that! (I covered up some stuff that the censors insisted I should not show) He has yet to have a reputable "dummy surgeon" attend to my injury. This pisses me off. How long does he expect me to endure this? Don't I deserve decent medical care?

So Dave, this is an ultimatum--either get me fixed or I have other photos I could publish, that are far more embarrassing than this one. Are you listening?

MERRY CHRISTMAS, DAMMIT

Well, it's been a long time since I felt like updating this rag, but it's the Christmas season and all, and I'm feeling all "neesy-nice" and warm and egg-nog filled, so I figure what the hell; I'll go ahead and wish both my readers a Merry Christmas.

Mind you, I don't go for all that "Happy Holidays" crap and politically correct stuff. If'n you celebrate Hanukkah or Kwanzaa--more power to ya; and I hope all goes well for you, too.

I'm just a ventriloquist's sidekick, who really cares what I think anyway.

But, you can be certain, I'll be back to make Dave's life miserable and writing what I feel like; when I feel like it.

Until then....

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE GRAVEL ROAD, DAMMIT!

Barack Obama "Dummified"

Indian Ventriloquist and figuremaker Ramdas Padhye has finally captured Presidential-elect Barack Obama "character" in a way some Republicans might have viewed him all along.

Hell, don't we all think somebody else has always got their hand up a politician's ass, anyway?

I'm No Dummy

Well, it seems as if a few of my fellow ventriloquist sidekicks have got together to make a movie. They didn't ask me to be in it; but I'll probably watch it anyway.

Look for it at a theatre or DVD store near you.